As I explored the idea of quitting HBC I often got emotional. I'd google other women's experiences and become enraged at what they'd endured. I'd feel empowered and enlivened by the idea of taking back my body - a body I hadn't experienced au natural since I was a literal child (okay, 17). But, for some reason, the overwhelming feeling I experienced was anxiety - anxiety around how I'd convince my doctors I was making the right call and how they'd react to my latest series of symptoms. I was fearful of admitting I'd become depressed on the patch.
When I finally made the appointment to discuss my issues with a midwife at my care provider, I selected her based on her kind-looking face and her (maybe) different perspective.
She wasn't an MD, so I reasoned she might better understand my hesitance to once again just select a new form of hormonal birth control - I'd already tried the pill, the ring, and the patch, each with a new host of alarming symptoms and side effects. I was done with HBCs. In the end, my midwife was sympathetic to what I described as "increased mood swings towards the end of the month"on the patch" (i.e. depression).
Then, unfortunately, just like all the other care providers I'd ever consulted, she swiftly jumped into problem-solving mode, asking "had I tried the pill?"
My stomach turned as it felt like I'd come full circle on my birth control journey. I stopped her and asked to take a step back to talk about my body and my goals. She sat with me and finally indulged in the talk I'd been longing for; we talked about what it might be like for me to drop the hormones all together.
I made the decision to walk away from the doctors for the first time in 10 years without that small blue prescription slip. The only thing I carried with me was a warning from my midwife, "You're gonna want to get on a prenatal vitamin and use an app to track your cycle."
Now I think about this guidance and get angry. She was irrationally stoking my fears by strongly insinuating I'd for sure get pregnant without synthetic hormonal birth control there to stop me. And that's plainly untrue. I didn't and still don't appreciate the scare tactic - especially after all I've now learned about fertility and conception windows. (If you think you can get pregnant most / all days of your cycle, you're likely misinformed or undereducated, like I was. Check out my simple guide to the menstrual cycle!)
That conversation did mark the end of my hormonal birth control journey, but it didn't lead to an unwanted pregnancy or anything scary, like I'd been taught to believe. Rather, in just a few short months it led to:
The "fog" lifting from my life:
A renewed sense of energy each morning
An excitement to tackle the day with joy
Energy and enthusiasm for exercise and healthy eating
My body returning to physical health:
Steady weight loss (over the course of 18 months)
Reversed anemia
Fewer cravings
No UTIs, yeast infections, kidney infections, or bacterial infections
Hair regrowth
Improved work performance:
Getting promoted, becoming a team manager
Advocating for myself to write a mass market leadership book
Writing a mass market leadership book 🙃
A healthier relationship:
Moving in with my boyfriend
Adopting our cat, Penny
Applying and getting into grad school as a couple
I'm not saying these outcomes are 100% correlated to coming off of hormonal birth control, but reflecting back on this time period brings me joy and anger in equally emotional waves. Some days, I'm just so grateful I realized I didn't have to stay on the pill to be a real woman or a feminist. Other days, I get incredibly mad that no one educated me on my options, or the potential long-term negative consequences of HBCs!
The more I talk to friends about their own experiences with birth control, I realize everyone has a story to tell. Many people have experienced pervasive awful symptoms on HBCs but don't realize they're abnormal, don't make the connection between the symptom and the HBC, or just don't speak up. I want to change that.
So, tell me - in the comments or via my intake form (so we can have a dialogue) what's your story coming off of hormonal birth control?